This is real. This is heavy.

We’re being asked to wear masks wherever we go now. 

Costco. Loblaws. Roadside pickup.

But what about all of us who have been wearing masks our whole lives? 

The metaphorical ones, of course. 

Over two months ago, a 25-year-old man was out for a jog when he was killed for no reason, other than the irrational fear and targeting due to his skin colour. Last week, on what would have been his 26th birthday, #IRunWithMaud trended as a hashtag, and people from across North America ran 2.23 miles in honour of Ahmaud Arbery’s life.  

Sterling K Brown summed up a lot of the feelings that I didn’t have the words then, to say, in a 10-minute IGTV video that made my heart heavy. 

He reminds us, “there is this thing you have to do, sometimes as a Black man who tends to negotiate largely white circles, where you have to make sure in order to be heard, you need to first appease, or put at ease, the people with whom you want to have authentic communication.” 

What he says rings absolutely true — and especially for the Black, Brown & Indigenous communities; the ones visibly marginalized. 

Because we do not have the privilege of individualism.

There’s this concept about white individualism* versus the minority collective* that I haven’t stopped thinking about.

It’s the idea that when we, as a minority, exist, show up, or do something, we are treated as a representative of the entire population of people that we represent. We are not given the privilege of being an individual first, because our actions impact and represent our community as a whole.  

So — whether we want to admit it or not — when we interact with someone who wears a Hijab, it works towards our internal perceptions of how we understand Muslims. 

When we have a positive interaction with a Black Man who “appeases and puts at ease” those around him first, we work towards breaking out of the fear that’s been ingrained — even though that’s not their responsibility. 

And when we see a south asian relationship that doesn’t include forcibly arranged marriages and domestic violence, for only a second, do we start changing the narratives we have in our heads. 

But gheez. Doesn’t that sound like a heavy burden to bear? 

To know that your entire existence, actions, and stories can either move the needle forward — or backwards — for the entire community of people you represent? 

Last week, as a lot of this came to light, I didn’t have the capacity, or energy to say anything. 

But it’s all I’ve been thinking about. 

I started wearing the pottu, more commonly known as the bindi, over a year ago when my significant other and I officially celebrated our partnership with our families. 

It was a part of my culture that I was afraid for a really long time of embracing — because by wearing it would mean I would instantly be identified and othered, even more so than simply living in the body of a melanin rich south asian woman. 

But even through the fear, I decided I wanted to do it.  

Why? 

Because I knew that every time I showed up, everytime that I made an impact, everytime I produced something beautiful, and everytime I had success, it would work towards tearing down the ideas we have of the people who wear the “red dot.”

I wanted to normalize the culture that a lot of first generations are so scared to partake in because of stereotypes associated with immigrantness, and being “fresh off the boat.” 

So I know that everytime I show up — I show up for my whole community. 

It isn’t just about me, the individual anymore. 

It’s about the collective. 

But these are heavy burdens. 

All to say: if you’re a part of your own collective that you represent, I see you. Give yourself the time to breathe. Be kind to yourself. And remember that while you might represent an entire community, this was not something you consented to. 

And if you live in a body that has the privilege of individualism? 

Ask yourself the question: everytime I see a story about someone who is a minority, do I make a judgement of the community as a whole, or do I process this story of one of an individual? 

| In honour of Ahmaud Arbery & #BlackLivesMatter |

P.S. While I speak on what it means for me to represent a community in both the skin that I am in, and the culture that I participate in, there is a stark difference between having the privilege of being able to simple “take off” something (such as the Pottu), versus the bodies that we live in and physical features that we do not have the privilege of changing — and this is why appropriation is equally as damaging and harmful.  

P.P.S. I choose not to dive into the heavy and painful outline of Ahmaud’s story because there are way too many stories of Black violence, Black truma, and Black pain — and so a new future needs to be re-imagined. That said: #BlackLivesMatter — because the Black community in America & the Western World is still being persecuted, so we, the allies, need to show up and do better if we want that to change. 

To help in the process of education and advocacy, I’ve decided to start including a Glossary of Terms, to better make these terms and ideas accessible and easier to understand. 

White Individualism: The idea that white folks rarely have to identify as white because it is the default in the Western world. Whiteness is ingrained in their upbringing, in capitalism, in education and in the government — to even identify someone as “white” can bring an onslaught of white fragility, claims of reverse racism and anger. The reason they are upset is thanks to this default. Society makes white the standard while everything else is an offshoot, so white children growing up have ample time to discover their individuality and what makes them unique: they are not only told to “be themselves”, but are given the room to be.

Minority Collective: The idea that anyone who is a minority is automatically grouped together, and “othered” in what becomes a binary. An example is via education — where students aren’t told they are learning white history, just history. It is not “white music” or watching “white films”, just music and films. Anything created from a minority or about minorities, alternatively is automatically “othered” to separate it.

 Pottu / Bindi: a mark (such as a red dot) or piece of jewelry worn on the middle of the forehead especially by Hindu women